wintersorrow's Blog

Cant stop thinking, cant rest or relax

My so incredible beautiful beautiful rose :( ----{-@... How cruel life can be. How sick and disgusting it can be :(.. But damn how much I want you, so close and near and not being able to. I want to be by your side so damn damn much and not being able to fucking kills me so damn much.  Hate all this waiting, Want to be there now!. no damn waiting!. If wasent content before until I would have you in my arms its like a billion times worse now. Dont function one bit until I will. We just fricken deserve this!!!. we been through so much together even and have been before we met, life just owes us. Owe us a lot, and now it ownes us even more. Piling up pretty damn sky high with all the unfairness so now life is drowning in it. And no fucking way again I would let life escape that!.. Will give you what you deserve!!, we deserve!!. Happiness with each other, together, close in each other arms. I will not be able to rest at all until that happnes, and I will do anything to make it so. I cant live or function any other way, it just must happen, its not an option or choice. Something that just must happen. Life has fricken harmed me enough, compliment for knowing how to top yourself each year tho with the pains you give me life!. Oh how viciously evil of a mastermind you are, no doubt there. But fuck you!!!. Your not gonna get in the way of this nor anything. Cause no matter what you fucking do, im not allowing you to win!. Period!!!. Fucking asshole. Would love to get my hands on whatever, just for the sake of it sometimes, tear things apart, torture, let loose the dark cause it grows darker, deeper and bigger when shit like this happens. I can be just as fucking cruel as you life and I will enjoy every second of it. Not the only twisted one who get pleasure from cruelity, although unlike you, I choose not to excercise it, you however are that pathetic and weak you cant do anything else. .. Regardless... my poor treasure, my one and only, my everything.. I will just find a way, I dont care the length or what I have to do to get there.  But im not letting you go or leaving you in any sence. I will make this happen, for us. want to make you happy!, no amount of shitness life will throw it will not stop me from making it so one way or the other cause happiness you will feel and recieve. PERIOD!!!. This is my purpose in life, it is what it is. And this is what will be my purpose until the day I die, but even then. It wont stop there either. My goal is your happiness, always be my goal. This life, the next life and the afterlife. Do not give a shit about anything else, I want this to be my goal, I refuse to let a beauty like you, in every sence of the word. Not get something like that, cause I can tell what is fair or not and it is too fucking unfair if you dont get that, happiness and im not allowing that to happen!. I dont care how you might look for example after your injuries or whatever happens, nothing that can deny your beauty as a person. I dont care if I have to do everything like physical or whatever, I will just take care of you and do everything even beyond a body and what man can do. Do not fucking care about how far or long I must go to make things good for you. It will happen, period!. Not allowing anything else. People say that thoughts move mountains, well sure is nothing that will prove that theory as much as this one. Cause I say fuck all of you life. I dont care how much power you think you have, how much you think you can do and influence and change things, Do not fucking help in this book. Your my bitch in this, and no matter how much you fight against it, It will not stop me from finding a way since death will not stop me either. So your just screwed, nothing you can do. I sound like big talk, but I dont care again. Life bitch and talk big all the time through its relentless cruelity, so I can do the same. Do not care who I might piss off or not, how many enemies I get, do not fucking care. Cause I always been a fair person, I just know what is fair and what isent, I always think very deeply about things and this again. No fucking words. My rose will get just everything!!!. I dont care how many amounts of evil or good that would be against me by doing so, but you will fucking lose cause when I first put my mind into something its nothing ever changing it. Both these sides, if the good or evil dont see my cause or my fairness in this your too fucking stupid to even exsist, no point you do either and your too fucking stupid again if you think you can stop me or prevent me. I dont care again, I take you on world, do not give a shit, do not care what I have to sacrifice, I do not care what lenghts I have to go, I do not care how much I have to fight. This is right and this will you accept life, no matter if you like it or not, it will happen.

just no fucking way life!.

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World.. you owe me.

I have done nothing but help people all my life, what do I get for that?. Absolutetly nothing, infact I get much taken away from me.

I have decided that im never gonna bother to trust anyone ever again. Its a waste of time. I dont need to trust, only brings me pain anyway cause people cant be trusted at all. I have however figured a way out. So I dont have to sink to other peoples pathetic level, yet maintain who I am as a person and at the same time not get hurt anymore.

Instead of always me being the one to give and to never receive what I give back. I will give back to people who give me instead. Cause they would never be dissapointed at least. Im so tired of people always betraying my trust, dissapoint me or let me down, give me a cold shoulder or just leave me to rot and die whenever I need someone or whenever I stop being convienient. Im lucky if there is one day or even hour where I am the center of attention on a yearly base. So instead of me opening up and allowing people to give me a cold shoulder, ignore me, hurt me, betray me etc. I will just simply give back what is given to me cause that way, I would never get hurt and nobody els would either. And from this day, Im gonna demand the world itself to give back what I have given to the world. Now its your turn world.

The only people I have ever trusted I have all been in a relationship with, cause I think its needed. I always thought that my own messed up nature shouldent effect my partner in any sence, so I have to put aside that part of me for them, cause well again. I never been any selfish. Now tho im quite certain that people will always remain clueless and would never be able to tell if I trust them or not. Its not required. And people will never see me for who I am anyway. So might as well just let them think whatever they like instead. They will never be unhappy with it, and neither would I.

 But yeah, Im gonna demand help, Im gonna get help. You are the one who will give me everything I want now world.

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Previous Posts
Cant stop thinking, cant rest or relax, posted December 15th, 2013
just no ******* way life!., posted December 13th, 2013
World.. you owe me., posted December 15th, 2012

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